Observing Communication
"The ability to observe without evaluating is the
highest form of intelligence"....Jiddhu Krishnamurti.
I have the opportunity this weekend to visit the
Galleria (This is a high-end mall in the Houston area). I observed diverse
adults and young children communicating as they moved from one store to
another. I noticed different interactions between adults and their young ones
as I watched. There were diverse age groups in the mall. Some parents and their
children engaged in deep conversation about prices and the products they want
to buy. There was mutual respect flowing between adults and the children. On
the other hand, some children I observed were recalcitrant and pulled along by
angary parents. Finally, I observed a mother and her daughter having a
heart-to-heart talk on one of the seats outside Macy's store.
I took particular interest in this mother's deep
conversation with her daughter, who was about eight years old, as I sat on the
garden seat with them. I was heaves dropping, and their discussion centered on
her daughter wanting an expensive winter boot from Macy's. She gently sat her
down to understand why they couldn't afford the boots she wanted at this time
but promised to talk to her dad about it, get some money from him to come back
next weekend, and get the boots. At the start of the conversation, the little
girl was really agitated. She didn't want to take no for an answer. But her mom
was calm, respectful, and sensitive to her need but was firm in letting her
know that getting the boots was not part of her budget.
Furthermore, buying the boot would deny her getting
the dress she needs for her Easter concert. The way the mother communicated
with the child boosted her confidence and made her feel respected. Her mom did
not shout her down, as witnessed by other shoppers who either shouted down
their children or dragged them out of the store, swearing under their breath.
Kolbeck, in the media, emphasizes the need to create a
space where children can freely communicate what is on their minds, and this is
done by allowing children a reflective listener (Laureate Education, 2011).
This mother in question did just that. First, she let her be expressive,
pouring out her mind while she listened. Then, when she was done, mom repeated
to her what she said she wanted and why she wanted it. She then communicated to
her in the language she could understand why buying the boots was not feasible.
From the observation, I can infer that their open communication has been taught
to this child early on. When taught early to a child, the ability to
effectively communicate is a skill that can last them a lifetime.
Observing the
communication between the parent and her child reminds me that the best
parent-child relationships should be marked by positive communication and
interaction. Parents and children with a healthy relationship communicate
regularly on many levels, not just when there is a problem. I observed the
interaction between parent and child portrays a healthy relationship between
them. This affirms how I communicate with children. On the first day of school,
I begin to build connections with my children, winning their trust to build a
positive relationship. One of the ways I do this is by encouraging them to talk
about their feelings, both positive and negative, while I listen.
One area I am still working on is calmness. As I
observed the parent explaining to her child why buying the boot is not possible
at this time, I noticed her calmness in her voice. She wasn't raising her
voice.
When correcting behavior, providing a calm explanation
creates trust and confidence in the child. In addition, giving a reason helps
children understand the implications of their behavior or what they intend to
do.
References
Laureate Education, Inc. (2011). Strategies for working with diverse children: Communicating with
young children. Baltimore, MD: Author
Traub, S. (2016). Communicating Effectively with Children
https://extension.missouri.edu/publications/gh6123
That was such an incredible back and forth that you got to experience! It is such a good example of a communication that could have been "done" by the mother using her authority and position to shut the child down and continue on their day, but instead, she chose to see the discussion from both sides of the story in order to try and achieve a level of understanding and compromise.
ReplyDeleteI totally agree that we should feel much more comfortable and open with telling children why decisions are the way they are. They deserve explanations and reasons!
Thanks for sharing!
Children who have a healthy relationship with their parents are more likely to develop positive relationships with other people around them. They can establish secure bonds and friendships with peers. They are better at regulating their emotions when faced with stress and difficult situations.
ReplyDeleteThis is a powerful and important interaction. The woman approached the situation from a place of love and care rather than cruelness. This definitely has a positive interaction on their relationship and all the interactions they will have in years to come. Children deserve answers and ask questions to try to understand so it is so important for adults to just tell them the truth and explanation. Great post!
ReplyDeleteLucy, this interaction sounds lovely to witness. It sounds like the kind of interaction that those of us who are parents and teachers ascribe to have with our children. Sometimes, we may not be in a calm mind-state and may react angrily like you noticed other parents doing. The varied responses you observed show the range of reactions we experience as humans due to our current level of stress! Also, it sounds like this mother on the bench has learned something about affirming communication along the way.
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